41 Lessons for 41 Years

I recently hit my 41st birthday and returned to the Bay Area for the first time since I had moved in 2019.

Landing at SFO felt strange in a way I wasn't expecting. I realized I may not look all that different from when I left six years ago, but I had fundamentally changed almost everything on the inside.

So, I started writing down things I know now that I didn't then. Things I wish someone had written down for me when I was still running 80 mph (and trying to fit it all in).

I call them 41 lessons for 41 years. So here they are, in no particular order.

1. Work will always be there. People won't.

2. Figure out how to turn inwards first, before you ever turn outwards. Whether that's for validation, confidence, grounding, or enoughness.

3. Find a book club, and you'll find your soulmates.

4. Learn to regulate your nervous system. It will make you the most successful and best version of yourself.

5. Hydrate, Hydrate, Hydrate.

6. You are the only one who can make yourself happy. It's not other people's responsibility.

7. Learn how to clearly communicate your needs and actually share them. You take away opportunities from people to meet them if you don't ever share.

8. Learn how to be content. It's not so fleeting as chasing joy.

9. Figure out your values as early as possible, so you know when something feels off, what it might be from.

10. Learn about energy, attention leaks, and boundaries. Recovering from people pleasing is hard, and always putting others first will hurt you more in the long run.

11. You always have more time to make more $$$$$.

12. Learn how to make friends as an adult (this one will make your life richer and fuller than you know).

13. Solotravel. Regularly.

14. Build something with your own hands when you feel lost or stuck in life.

15. Learn to love your own company. It's your only companion in the quiet night.

16. Make mistakes and, only if warranted, learn how to sincerely apologize.

17. Plan for goals or you might wake up and yet another year has gone by.

18. Learn how to get good sleep. It's one of the hardest things you'll probably do, but it unlocks everything else.

19. Learn how to tolerate "the cringe."

20. Get to know the difference between intuition and a false gut feeling that actually comes from anxiety.

21. Go screen-free, OFTEN.

22. Become besties with your body and renew the friendship every year.

23. Make putting your metaphorical oxygen mask on first your default habit.

24. Learn not to take work home with you. You can't hold everyone's problems AND your own.

25. Save a little each week and month. Live a little each week and month. Don't wait till one day to enjoy it all. And don't wait until one day to start saving for it.

26. Take the damn vitamins.

27. The doctor isn't always right, and you have the right to advocate for your needs.

28. Learning to love at any point, but especially after a broken heart, will be amazing.

29. Volunteer or give back in whatever way you can. This is where you can find real fulfillment and satisfaction.

30. If you're feeling stuck in any part of life, figure out the stories you don't even know you're carrying with you.

31. Learn what a scarcity mindset is, and how to be mindful of it.

32. Find whatever version of a morning and evening routine works for you, and you will rule your world.

33. If something is toxic, the payoff is usually never worth it (in any area of life).

34. Learn how to move through conflict management in a way that aligns with your values.

35. Talk to your 80-year-old self often. She's a badass and will set you straight.

36. Figure out how to eat well and create stable blood sugar.

37. Rest is a valid form of existence. If rest feels uncomfortable for you, figure out why fast.

38. Understand how to get comfortable with visibility. Once you do, you'll scale your dreams faster and more sustainably.

39. Always have more than one income stream, even if you have a really well-paying job.

40. Stress is the most silent killer.

41. Learn how to express the true impact and value of your skills and expertise to get paid your worth.

And one more from my 80-year-old self: you are more resilient than you can even fathom. Having a growth mindset will help you take away the right lessons from every situation.

What would you add to your life lessons list?

Here's to 41, the good years and the hard ones,

-Elizabeth